How to read people's thoughts

Oftentimes, you find yourself sitting across from a person or in the midst of a group of people, and you can’t help but notice the way they sit in their chair. Your impressions and expectations depend on their position of choice. That is why, in most of these cases, you can guess the thoughts of these people even before you speak. After all, you’ve been watching them and, what’s more important, picking up on cues.

The following pictures will illustrate what I’m trying to say. Just consider them carefully and think about all the times you have noticed people sitting these ways. Then think about your responses to them.

Now, all of these positions have certain meanings attached to them. You might not know the meanings but you can certainly read the intention behind them. For example, the first picture(1) – it can get you irritated simply by looking at it. This is because you are reminded of every person you have seen sit down that way. This position is not natural. On the contrary, it’s supposed to convey the sitter’s superiority because they believe they know everything there is and they have no concerns left. But that’s not all! They also believe their opinion is better than yours and they have no desire to change it, thus the figure four of the leg. The reason they’re supporting their head with their hands is to either give the appearance of relaxation or to give you space to speak, but be aware that they will stubbornly cling to their own opinion no matter what you say. That doesn’t mean they won’t open up for a debate with you – they are quite competitive and, even worse, completely confident in their abilities to “smash you”. The second picture (2) is a classic example of wanting to end a conversation or getting ready to stand up and go out. Alternately, the person could put their hands over their knees, in a mimic of support before they rise up. A tip – once you see this position, try to grab their attention and turn or simply finish the conversation before they are up and walking away as you speak. Finally, the third example (3), which Barbara and Allan Pease, the Australian body language experts, call “The Straddler”. It’s a wide, typically manly stance, with the crotch on display. This is how men establish dominance, a trait present in them from birth. So it should come as no surprise that, when feeling under threat, they will remind those across from them of their dominance – choosing the most basic way of spreading their legs to put their crotch on display. The fact that they are using a chair instead of shield to protect themselves only serves to make it funnier, although I don’t believe it strikes anybody as funny when it actually happens. Unless you know how to interpret it. 

The only way you can make a person seated in a “Straddler” position sit more appropriately is if you sit or come to stand behind them or if you stand up and talk to them from a heightened position. Looking down at people makes them quite uncomfortable, so it will surely work in this situation too. That is not to say you should bully people who sit like this. Some of them you might be able to reason with, especially if you try to explain to them that their way of sitting is making you feel uncomfortable.  Always play nice, even if you don’t like somebody’s body language! Because, remember that everything you learn is objective. Every gesture can be interpreted in more than one way because it’s the product of subjectivity.

(4)This picture shows a person who isn’t feeling very comfortable and wishes to close up, to shield themselves. Of course, from my own experience, I can tell you that the easiest way for somebody to defend themselves when you point it out to them is to say they’re simply feeling more comfortable when crossing their arms at you. And that is completely true! They are creating a shield, sometimes because they are cold, but most often because they don’t want to remain open to you. This stance is common when people expect to be asked to speak up, about themselves or their opinion(s), and they are reluctant to do so, especially if they’re among many people they don’t know (enough). The best way to make a person feel more comfortable in such situations is to ask them to say the minimum and/or ask them about their feelings in a positive way. When they sense the positive vibes they will consider opening up.

(5) The first thing that comes to mind when I see this picture is to tell you that: you don’t want to work with a person who sits like this. The reason? They aren’t concerned with what you have to say and they aren’t taking you very seriously.  Sitting down like this would be the perfect way to show that you are feeling indifferent or that you lack concern. Or, simply, that you consider the setting informal, hence you take the anything but formal sitting position. In any case, the best way to make this person change their sitting position, according to Pease, is to either ask them to lean and look at something or jokingly tell them they have a hole in their trousers and play on their self-consciousness.

(6) On the other hand, this is the type of seated person you want to work with! Look up and you will see a similar picture – the person who can’t wait to stand up and do something. This one can’t wait to take an action too. In their book, The Definitive Book of Body Language, the authors Pease mention an example: a video of salespeople interviewing people, showing that the majority of those who sat down like this, followed by chin-stroking gesture, said yes to the proposal the salespeople gave them. In contrast, in situations where the clients crossed their arms after the chin-stroking, they ended up declining the proposal.

You see all of these positions on daily basis and now you know how to interpret them! But, as always, I remind you to be careful about your interpretation as you never know the exact circumstances. Just inspect your feelings and you will find what stands true and what is the consequence of circumstances.

Kathy

Volunteer Center, Skopie


All images are copyright of Barbara and
Allan Pease and can be found in their book The
Definitive Book of Body Language

 

 

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